Shelby (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} fallenangel221) wrote,@ 2008-12-30 23:37:00 |
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sorry for the ridiculous post. but no one reads this anyway
Dear No One,
Two Thousand and Eight will be over tomorrow night, and it seems like i've had quite a rollercoaster year. This year began with Brian on New Years, and ended without him, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the best for both of us. I graduated from High School, and actually became a college student. Salem State wasn't all that i expected, so i decided to transfer schools. After deciding THAT, i realized i truly have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, schoolwise, jobwise, livingwise, or anything else. All i know is that i feel more confident and independent than ever, and i think its time to start exploring my options. There's a few things i would like to remain constant in my life, like my very best friend, Kate, and a few other solid friendships that i've kept all this time, but as i see it, there's nothing holding me back from living out a dream that has yet to be determined. I know i want to explore the option of moving to Florida for atleast a semester, but quite recently i have discussed the option of taking this upcoming semester off. I feel like i need to do some real soul searching, and take some time for myself to really know what direction like to point my future.
Throughout the year, I've learned so much from life experiences i've had. The most important being what happened with Brian. I do admit i made plenty of mistakes when it came to him, but i feel like without doing so, i would have never realized or learned the lesson that came out of it. I can now see how hurtful my relationship with him was. I realized no matter how many times one person says they're sorry, or that they will change, neither is ever true. Saying sorry does not erase what happened in the past, its mearly a word used only when a person wants to be forgiven for what they've done, and recognize their actions, so it will never happen in the future. I've learned that just because someone uses the word "sorry" does not mean they will suddenly be aware of their mistakes. No one will change for you, they have to change on their own, and "i'm sorry" means nothing unless you have the actions to prove that. Brian also taught me i CAN have a meaningful relationship, and love someone with my whole heart, but he also showed me that i can walk away from someone that i care so much about, if they aren't treating me with respect (what ANYONE needs for a successful relationship). I realized i CAN live the single life without needing a boy to catch me if i fall. I've learned that i can even try to work with a person i onced cared about so much to create a relationship both of us can be happy in, but if it fails again, walking away because i don't need it anymore. it's amazing how dependent i became when i was with brian. And now that i can see life without someone that hibitually brought me down, i can feel happy and a new sense of freedom.
I've also learned that college is still going to be there next fall. I can make mistakes, and learn from them, and hopefully figure out what i truly want in the long run. I've figured out that it's best to live your life by your rules, and realize that just because it suits everyone else, doesn't mean it has to suit you. I want meaning and fulfilment out of this year, and to hopefully reach my goal of FINDING a goal.
My easy (kinda) New Years resolutions?
-Eat healthy and organically.
-Exercise regualarly, and maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout the year.
-Get a full-time job and SAVE.
Until 2009, LiveJournal. <3
Dear No One,
Two Thousand and Eight will be over tomorrow night, and it seems like i've had quite a rollercoaster year. This year began with Brian on New Years, and ended without him, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the best for both of us. I graduated from High School, and actually became a college student. Salem State wasn't all that i expected, so i decided to transfer schools. After deciding THAT, i realized i truly have no idea what i want to do with the rest of my life, schoolwise, jobwise, livingwise, or anything else. All i know is that i feel more confident and independent than ever, and i think its time to start exploring my options. There's a few things i would like to remain constant in my life, like my very best friend, Kate, and a few other solid friendships that i've kept all this time, but as i see it, there's nothing holding me back from living out a dream that has yet to be determined. I know i want to explore the option of moving to Florida for atleast a semester, but quite recently i have discussed the option of taking this upcoming semester off. I feel like i need to do some real soul searching, and take some time for myself to really know what direction like to point my future.
Throughout the year, I've learned so much from life experiences i've had. The most important being what happened with Brian. I do admit i made plenty of mistakes when it came to him, but i feel like without doing so, i would have never realized or learned the lesson that came out of it. I can now see how hurtful my relationship with him was. I realized no matter how many times one person says they're sorry, or that they will change, neither is ever true. Saying sorry does not erase what happened in the past, its mearly a word used only when a person wants to be forgiven for what they've done, and recognize their actions, so it will never happen in the future. I've learned that just because someone uses the word "sorry" does not mean they will suddenly be aware of their mistakes. No one will change for you, they have to change on their own, and "i'm sorry" means nothing unless you have the actions to prove that. Brian also taught me i CAN have a meaningful relationship, and love someone with my whole heart, but he also showed me that i can walk away from someone that i care so much about, if they aren't treating me with respect (what ANYONE needs for a successful relationship). I realized i CAN live the single life without needing a boy to catch me if i fall. I've learned that i can even try to work with a person i onced cared about so much to create a relationship both of us can be happy in, but if it fails again, walking away because i don't need it anymore. it's amazing how dependent i became when i was with brian. And now that i can see life without someone that hibitually brought me down, i can feel happy and a new sense of freedom.
I've also learned that college is still going to be there next fall. I can make mistakes, and learn from them, and hopefully figure out what i truly want in the long run. I've figured out that it's best to live your life by your rules, and realize that just because it suits everyone else, doesn't mean it has to suit you. I want meaning and fulfilment out of this year, and to hopefully reach my goal of FINDING a goal.
My easy (kinda) New Years resolutions?
-Eat healthy and organically.
-Exercise regualarly, and maintain a healthy lifestyle throughout the year.
-Get a full-time job and SAVE.
Until 2009, LiveJournal. <3
